Relationships Thread

[False]

She wants to strawberry float.

Do it.

[7256930752]

You both want different things. And these are not the sort of things you can compromise on. Add to that the up and down nature of your relationship.... Ending a relationship in these circumstances does not make you a bad person.

I don't know if it's a case of wanting different things per se. I would like to think I'll get married and have kids one day, I just don't want that to happen in a house where I don't know when the next manor argument is going to happen. Plus I'm rubbish at the crying horrible bit of the breakup and think I would give in if she wanted to get back together.

Most of this has come out today after yet another argument about seeing her parents. She says that she lives me and doesn't want anyone else but she is so quick to forget the bile she comes out with when she loses the plot.

[Adder]

It's just not as easy as just ending things though, we have just bought new furniture for the house, had the living room redecorated, going on an expensive holiday, etc...

It is that easy, though, as to be honest those really aren't good reasons to stay together if you shouldn't.

I'm just rubbish at being the one to break things off... I'm not good at dealing with people crying and getting upset, plus I know I'd probably feel some regret after a few days and would buckle.

I'd say these aren't good reasons either. If she's pushing for commitment and marriage, and you don't want that, then dragging it out because you don't want the upset now will only make things worse for her as well later on.

Unless the reason you are hesitating is because you don't want to break up as it's not what you actually want. Hard to tell, and hard to tell how much her drinking is clouding both your minds.

Sounds like you really don't like her when she drinks. Would she stop, if she knew it was important to you? And if she stopped, would it make a difference to how you felt about her?

[Bunni]

You both want different things. And these are not the sort of things you can compromise on. Add to that the up and down nature of your relationship.... Ending a relationship in these circumstances does not make you a bad person.

I don't know if it's a case of wanting different things per se. I would like to think I'll get married and have kids one day, I just don't want that to happen in a house where I don't know when the next manor argument is going to happen. Plus I'm rubbish at the crying horrible bit of the breakup and think I would give in if she wanted to get back together.

Most of this has come out today after yet another argument about seeing her parents. She says that she lives me and doesn't want anyone else but she is so quick to forget the bile she comes out with when she loses the plot.

Anung doesn't want to get married but its something I believe in. He could change his ideas but there's nothing wrong with having a long relationship with other 'commitments'. I'd be happy to continue as we are more so than I would getting married to someone who wasn't doing it for the same reasons. Also I'd be the first to admit I can be a bitch when in an argument. He understands its usually me just venting frustrations rather than actual put downs and can seperate the two. I shouldnt take things out on him and I try not to but when stressed with other things in life, coming home to find the washing up is still there is sometimes enough to break me. I always make sure to apologise if I have gone over the top mind. Is therere content to the arguments that can be discussed and dealt with in a calm manner or is it just bored insult slinging? If there's petty things that annoy each other that can be changed, work on that. If its major lifestyle habits that involve changing to much to be able to stick to it'll only end in heart beeak anyway.

Tl;dr bitches be crazy. Know when to take it personally.

[That's not a growth]

Yeah, I found a big turning point in my relationship was being able to talk about an argument after it happened and explain why it started, if something said during the argument went too far etc. Repeat arguments almost disappeared and I was much happier in the relationship.

[7256930752]

It's just not as easy as just ending things though, we have just bought new furniture for the house, had the living room redecorated, going on an expensive holiday, etc...

It is that easy, though, as to be honest those really aren't good reasons to stay together if you shouldn't.

I'm just rubbish at being the one to break things off... I'm not good at dealing with people crying and getting upset, plus I know I'd probably feel some regret after a few days and would buckle.

I'd say these aren't good reasons either. If she's pushing for commitment and marriage, and you don't want that, then dragging it out because you don't want the upset now will only make things worse for her as well later on.

Unless the reason you are hesitating is because you don't want to break up as it's not what you actually want. Hard to tell, and hard to tell how much her drinking is clouding both your minds.

Sounds like you really don't like her when she drinks. Would she stop, if she knew it was important to you? And if she stopped, would it make a difference to how you felt about her?

I'm finding it really hard to know if I want to break up if I'm honest, all I can say is that after everything coming out yesterday I don't feel that different. It's totally selfish of me but I rushed into this relationship after a previous 4 year relationship ended, think I could do with a bit of time to figure out exactly what I do want.

There is no way she would give up drinking as she doesn't see it as a problem. To be fair most of time it isn't but when things go wrong and she's had a drink they go wrong big time.

[Bunni]

Well she doesn't have to give up drinking but she could do with some contingency plan for when is drunk. If she tries to start an argument when drunk seperate. Go to another room, just take some time apart and discuss the issues when sober.

[Christopher]

So, we went to relate on Saturday and I didn't expect for my wife to basically say that the majority of our problems are on her. She's spent so long blaming me that she never looked at herself.

The therapist asked us if we wanted to get through this or do we need to think of seperation, before I answered my wife said she wanted to work through because she loves me and couldn't imagine life without me. Before we finished the session she asked what was it about the other that made us fall in love in the first place, I was again shocked by my wife giving a huge amount of reasons.

After we left, we went for a coffee together and just talked and talked, it was pretty awesome actually.

I think we have a good chance, going to be hard work but should worth it.

[7256930752]

You both want different things. And these are not the sort of things you can compromise on. Add to that the up and down nature of your relationship.... Ending a relationship in these circumstances does not make you a bad person.

I don't know if it's a case of wanting different things per se. I would like to think I'll get married and have kids one day, I just don't want that to happen in a house where I don't know when the next manor argument is going to happen. Plus I'm rubbish at the crying horrible bit of the breakup and think I would give in if she wanted to get back together.

Most of this has come out today after yet another argument about seeing her parents. She says that she lives me and doesn't want anyone else but she is so quick to forget the bile she comes out with when she loses the plot.

Anung doesn't want to get married but its something I believe in. He could change his ideas but there's nothing wrong with having a long relationship with other 'commitments'. I'd be happy to continue as we are more so than I would getting married to someone who wasn't doing it for the same reasons. Also I'd be the first to admit I can be a bitch when in an argument. He understands its usually me just venting frustrations rather than actual put downs and can seperate the two. I shouldnt take things out on him and I try not to but when stressed with other things in life, coming home to find the washing up is still there is sometimes enough to break me. I always make sure to apologise if I have gone over the top mind. Is therere content to the arguments that can be discussed and dealt with in a calm manner or is it just bored insult slinging? If there's petty things that annoy each other that can be changed, work on that. If its major lifestyle habits that involve changing to much to be able to stick to it'll only end in heart beeak anyway.

Tl;dr bitches be crazy. Know when to take it personally.

Thanks for sharing Bunni, it's not just the content of the argument. Funnily enough a lot of that is about cleaning round the house, financial contributions, etc but it's what happens in the argument. She gets the bit between her teeth and just won't give up, she knows just how to push my buttons and won't give up until I'm fighting back with her. The fact this has been happening our entire relationship does not bode well for change. I've tried talking things over but nothing works, there is no telling when one of these episodes is going to happen as you could be having a perfectly good evening until something lights the fuse.

We've discussed getting a cleaner to help round the house as we both work long hours but haven't got round to doing that yet. It might help.

[7256930752]

So, we went to relate on Saturday and I didn't expect for my wife to basically say that the majority of our problems are on her. She's spent so long blaming me that she never looked at herself.

The therapist asked us if we wanted to get through this or do we need to think of seperation, before I answered my wife said she wanted to work through because she loves me and couldn't imagine life without me. Before we finished the session she asked what was it about the other that made us fall in love in the first place, I was again shocked by my wife giving a huge amount of reasons.

After we left, we went for a coffee together and just talked and talked, it was pretty awesome actually.

I think we have a good chance, going to be hard work but should worth it.

Good luck Suzz, hope everything works out for the best.

[Songwriter]

So, we went to relate on Saturday and I didn't expect for my wife to basically say that the majority of our problems are on her. She's spent so long blaming me that she never looked at herself.

The therapist asked us if we wanted to get through this or do we need to think of seperation, before I answered my wife said she wanted to work through because she loves me and couldn't imagine life without me. Before we finished the session she asked what was it about the other that made us fall in love in the first place, I was again shocked by my wife giving a huge amount of reasons.

After we left, we went for a coffee together and just talked and talked, it was pretty awesome actually.

I think we have a good chance, going to be hard work but should worth it.

Good for you. I have no idea why so many people on this forum say...end it, leave...when things get rough in a marriage/relationship.

Take your time Suzz. Love, lust and boredom play massive parts - get through them.

[OnlyShallow]

I have no idea why so many people on this forum say...end it, leave...when things get rough in a marriage/relationship.

From experience.

I'm pretty sure you tried to save your marriage, as did I. And Denster. And countless others on here.

My ex was sending me texts saying she was so confused and didn't know what to do about our marriage and not to pressure her. She sent them whilst she was with Brandon. I received these texts at the same time I received an email from Brandon's wife, telling me they had spent the weekend together in London.

This was the day after we had been to see a marriage guidance counsellor.

Only Chris knows what to do, he has to do what is right for himself and his son. I can only recount my own experience and hope his turns out a different way.

[7256930752]

Well she doesn't have to give up drinking but she could do with some contingency plan for when is drunk. If she tries to start an argument when drunk seperate. Go to another room, just take some time apart and discuss the issues when sober.

It's the actual arguments themselves that are the problem rather than what is being discussed.

[Death's Head]

Good work Suzz, I kept the faith in the GR sea of negativity

[emilythestrange]

I mentioned in here a while ago, some guy in my building coming on to me pretty abruptly, and telling me he usually goes for less intelligent and more attractive girls than me, tried to kiss me and it was all very uncomfortable for me, negging or whatever. Well I was about to leave the building this morning for work, I heard him leaving (he lives opposite me) so I just waited a while as I don't want to see him. Headed out, and he was at the front door checking mail. I quickly left and he chased after me down the street and tried to talk to me, being all slow and awkward. Eventually he comes out with, you are one of the smartest, funniest, prettiest girls I've met and I'd really like to see you again. So I reminded him what he said to me and told him I wasn't interested regardless.

Everything about his demeanor says to me: cocky over-confident twat. That was such an effort this morning at a grovelling, sniveling, desperate, apologetic, "pity me because the words that came out my mouth didn't really mean that" u-turn. There was no attraction for me there in the first place, I feel like he's just dicking around to see if something 'works' on me, ignoring that I'm not interested even though I've stated so twice now, nothing is ever going to happen. I know this is a complete non-issue, I just have to rant. It's quite common to call women crazy here but men can be strawberry floating ridiculous too.

[False]

He probably does fancy you, but went for the neg route first and is now trying to recover.

Fwiw, Ive never really understood the negging thing. It works for a certain bunch, sure, but you always end up with a needy emotional cripple whos more effort than its worth.

[Drej]

You both want different things. And these are not the sort of things you can compromise on. Add to that the up and down nature of your relationship.... Ending a relationship in these circumstances does not make you a bad person.

I don't know if it's a case of wanting different things per se. I would like to think I'll get married and have kids one day, I just don't want that to happen in a house where I don't know when the next manor argument is going to happen. Plus I'm rubbish at the crying horrible bit of the breakup and think I would give in if she wanted to get back together.

Most of this has come out today after yet another argument about seeing her parents. She says that she lives me and doesn't want anyone else but she is so quick to forget the bile she comes out with when she loses the plot.

Take it form an old msn friend ( )

Ditch her man.... if she has the habit to go so personal when you have an argument, and you cannot put with that, it will consume you in the long run. Its been nearly four months now since Ive been single again, and that was one of the reasons I just couldnt stand her any longer.... even the tiniest of arguments, or if I would make a joke infront of my friends, she would take it personal and throw something insulting, and it really hurt as I never did that to her.

If the only thing that is holding you back from ditching her, is because you're feeling sorry for her.... grow a pair and ditch her

[7256930752]

Cheers mate. It's not just a case of her getting personal, I give back as I good as I get but I hate the fact that I'm pushed to that point. I know arguments are inevitable in a relationship but I don't think they should be as venomous and aggressive as we get.

She does do a lot of nice things though, she's helped me make my house and home and she changed jobs to move closer. I did warn her about the job change mind, probably incase something like this was to happen.

[smurphy]

Spent most of last night drinking with this incredible Serbian girl who works in my hostel in Belgrade. So beautiful, perfect rack which was nicely on display, funny as strawberry float and great to chat to. She had a boyfriend but strawberry float you ******* I did everything in my power to get her. Wasn't enough though, damn her faithfulness, just makes me like her even more.

Going to Sweden tomorrow. Will be able to settle the eternal debate I've had with myself over Balkan chicks vs Swedish babes.

[Bunni]

We did dinner and hotel for our first. Trip to Bruges for second. I'll no doubt enjoy me a ps4 for the next one.

Just remembered this. I've booked time off to go away the weekend before our anniversary. Starting 29th November.