Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

Moggy wrote:In the third year, I cheated on my history test. In the fourth year, I stole my uncles wig and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in the school play. In the fifth year, I knocked my sister down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. When my mum sent me on a school trip and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever did, I mixed a pot of fake sick at home and then I went to see a movie and I hid the sick in my coat, climbed up to the balcony and then I made a puking noise and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Oh my god I'm laughing sop much at how utterly horrible this is. :lol:

Do you want to tell him or shall I?

I went to the cinema with a couple of mates for his 12th birthday and did something similar. We went to see that film with Bruce Willis and the other guy as bank robbers and the other guy thinks hes dying or something. I chewed up a load of popcorn with a mouthful of sprite and spat it all over the seat in front of me.

Then this couple came in with a little kid and he sat on the seat Id covered in chunner. He seemed pretty uncomfortable for around 15 minutes before his parents stood up and they moved to the next row.

Thankfully I was spared the fountains of vomit but the look his ma gave me, she knew what was going on.

Guys, seriously... Moggy was quoting Chunk from the Goonies.

Poser, stop ruining the fun.

>old people

Moggy wrote:Poser, stop ruining the fun.

Sorry mate. I really should have let that go. :fp:

Poser wrote:
Moggy wrote:Poser, stop ruining the fun.

Sorry mate. I really should have let that go.

It doesn't matter, I thought everyone would know what it was anyway. Looks like SD and Falsey have lots in common.

Moggy wrote:Looks like SD and Falsey have lots in common.

I've suspected as much for some time now.

I've seen that film before but can't remember any exact lines from it.

Fake or not just the idea of that sounds both horrible and hilarious at the same time.

Poser wrote:
Moggy wrote:Looks like SD and Falsey have lots in common.

I've suspected as much for some time now.

Two sides of the same coin.

OK, another toilet-related one.

I was in Turkey, aged 19 (with my mum and brothers) and after 10 nights I was starting to get a dicky tummy.

One night, walking around the covered market in Marmaris, my gut gave me a two-minute warning. I could tell it was gonna be bad. No restaurants nearby, I asked a stallholder for directions to a toilet, he pointed up some very shady stairs.

I entered the door at the top, and waked into actually a pretty pleasant facility. I had seconds to spare, but made it, and was so relieved.

Sadly, I had failed to notice that there was no bog roll. Normally, I'd have happily used my pants and left them behind, but I'd gone commando that day as we were swimming earlier.

Starting to panic, I looked around for alternatives.

Qikz wrote:I've seen that film before but can't remember any exact lines from it.

Fake or not just the idea of that sounds both horrible and hilarious at the same time.

It's almost as if it was scripted to convey those very sentiments.

This topic seems to have become "Naughty stuff I got away with". Next up - fun with an air pistol.

When I was about 16 and at college, a friend of mine had an air pistol. The first time I encountered it was at his house, where I tested it by shooting one of his posters (and discovered it actually went cleanly through the poster and a reasonable distance into his wall, which we covered with a different poster). For some unknown reason, he brought it to my house one day and so that evening's entertainment was firing from my sister's window (who was away at university) across the length of our garden (about 130 feet), across the neighbour's garden whose backed onto ours (about another 130 feet) and at their patio window. As far as I'm aware it didn't damage the window, just made an almighty "crack" sound. Every few minutes the light would come on and the neighbour come out to investigate. We were firing from a darkened room so little chance of us being caught. So this basically went on for about half any hour until we got bored (or possibly ran out of pellets, I forget). Being a little gooseberry fool. :wub:

Death's Head wrote:This topic seems to have become "Naughty stuff I got away with".

I'm no Catholic, but isn't that pretty much exactly what confession is?

Probably, but I don't think anyone here is looking for forgiveness.

Some actual confessions:

When we were around 15, a group of us decided to go and get drunk on cider. We headed into the fields and one lad brought along a tin of beans that he wanted to cook over a fire (no idea why). We got merrily pissed, had a fire going and the beans were cooked. He ate them all and then started to drink the remaining tomato sauce out of the can. We had a habit at the time of knocking cans/bottles into the face of the people that were drinking and so I thought it would be hilarious to do that. Of course the baked bean can was sharp and so when I knocked it, he cut the inside of his mouth open. :oops:

A couple of years ago I was in the pub with some friends and a bloke we knew was in there with his elderly dog. This bloke had recently found out that the dog was dying from a tumour and so couldn’t bare to leave the dog home alone. He had popped out for a cigarette and I started giving the dog the beer I was drinking. He loved it and so I poured it all into his bowl and he lapped it all up. Ten minutes later the dog was swaying, led down and fell asleep. We moved on and the bloke decided to come with us but he couldn’t wake his dog up. We moved on and I was terrified that I had killed his dog. Luckily he carried the dog home and the dog just slept it off. :lol:

He never found out that the reason his dog acted so strange that night was because I got it drunk. The dog lived for a year or more after that so I think the alcohol actually helped him.

Those are very mild as I am not sure I want to share my really bad stories.

I've been a proper little gooseberry fool, so here's a few bad ones.

When I was about 13 a kid was starting gooseberry fool with me. He called me specky four eyes or some gooseberry fool like that, so I replied back with "At least I still have a mum". His mother had died a few years back of a brain aneurysm. :oops:

I feel bad about it, but he didn't start gooseberry fool any more....

Around 14 and playing with fire, we were burnings bits of someone's hedge. I started a fire right at the bottom and the whole thing went up. We legged it to a nearby park. We could still see the smoke and flames from there :dread:

Luckily it burned itself out.

Again around 14 I blew up a dog gooseberry fool bin with fireworks. :slol:

Me and my friends used to collect freephone numbers so that we can give abuse to call-centre staff from pay-phones.

:oops:

There's loads more, I'm kind of embarrassed at what a massive gooseberry fool I was as a child.

Oh god. Some kid was bullying my sister, trying to beat her up and started on me as I stood up for her. So when he got on the monkey bars I grabbed his legs and pulled as he tried to hold on begging me to stop. I didn't, he fell, broke his arm and we just walked away. Didn't start gooseberry fool after that. Took me a little while to feel bad about it mind. Little gooseberry fool deserved it.

I've been posting under an alt on here for nearly a year and nobody has noticed.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

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