Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

Johnny Ryall wrote:Don't count on that, death has a permanence that will leave you dwelling on the what ifs. Though everyone's situation is different I guess.

Believe me, I lived thought what that banana split could do for 23 years. The world would be a better place without him. There are no what ifs, aside from how many people's lives could I have improved had I actually killed him, rather than just punched him. He is absolutely the worst kind of person, and I bore the brunt of it. Physically and emotionally.

strawberry float him.

Only major regret I have is being a total and utter dick to two women. Only one occasion for each, but I was such a banana split

Oh Christ, where do I start?

Wanking in the loft

When I was eight I kicked a brick out of a newly constructed wall at school, then blamed someone else for it.

A few years later I set off a foam fire extinguisher then dared the same person to do it too , he did it just as the deputy head was walking past and ended up covering her in foam, he then had to pay for the extinguisher to be refilled.

I got away with both incidents despite his claims of innocence.

I put a patients iPod in the wash a week after it was replaced when someone else did the same. A week later staff mentioned that she couldn't find her iPod. Instead of owning up, I bought in an old one of mine that I hadn't used for years, filled it with music and looked like a strawberry floating hero.

Fade wrote:It's not you it's me, no actually it's not me, it IS you

Plus, Louise is a bit of a crap name. Don't blame you

You like people based on their name?

aayl1 wrote:Wanking in the loft

That's not even remotely close to being a sin

Cosmo wrote:
Fade wrote:It's not you it's me, no actually it's not me, it IS you

Plus, Louise is a bit of a crap name. Don't blame you

You like people based on their name?

I used to be an in-store Technician at PC World.

Lagamorph wrote:I used to be an in-store Technician at PC World.

Burn him !!!

Slayerx wrote:
Lagamorph wrote:I used to be an in-store Technician at PC World.

Burn him !!!

The calmest angry mob ever assembled.

Alvin Flummux wrote:
Slayerx wrote:
Lagamorph wrote:I used to be an in-store Technician at PC World.

Burn him !!!

The calmest angry mob ever assembled.

They've just read one of his posts in the pictures and gifs thread.

At uni my flatmate once invited his brother round and we all went on the piss. When I got home I blocked the toilet with the most unholy turd I have ever seen. Attempting to flush just raised the water level dangerously close to flooding. So I just left it and went to bed.

Following morning i find my flat mate elbow deep in my gooseberry fool unclogging it by hand. He says to me "I'm so embarrassed my brother has made a right mess" and I said nothing.....

In the third year, I cheated on my history test. In the fourth year, I stole my uncles wig and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in the school play. In the fifth year, I knocked my sister down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog. When my mum sent me on a school trip and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out. But the worst thing I ever did, I mixed a pot of fake sick at home and then I went to see a movie and I hid the sick in my coat, climbed up to the balcony and then I made a puking noise and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

When I was about 8, a friend and I would regularly break car lights on the way home from school. Just basically kicked them until they smashed, in broad day light. How strawberry floating stupid was that? :lol:

Worse still we did it in the street I lived in. We also started taking off people's petrol caps and stuffing leaves into their fuel tanks. My friend got caught once, but cried and he got let off. Not looking for forgiveness though.

Skippy wrote:Only major regret I have is being a total and utter dick to two women. Only one occasion for each, but I was such a banana split

Easy, tiger. This is confession, not regret. Penitence is optional.

Death's Head wrote:When I was about 8, a friend and I would regularly break car lights on the way home from school. Just basically kicked them until they smashed, in broad day light. How strawberry floating stupid was that? Worse still we did it in the street I lived in. We also started taking off people's petrol caps and stuffing leaves into their fuel tanks. My friend got caught once, but cried and he got let off. Not looking for forgiveness though.

I could fill this thread with the gooseberry fool I've done. The longer I think for, the more stuff comes back to me. I might have to go anonymous for some of them.

I'll start off lightly:

I was staying at a mate's once and we'd gone out on the razz all day. I needed a dump so popped back to his rather than go in one of Aberystwyth's less-than-salubrious establishments. He had a new GBA (one of the original ones) so I decided to have a go on that while I was pooing.

I finished, wiped, flushed, and then stood up to pull my trousers up, resting the GBA on the cistern as I did. As soon as I let go, the console slid straight into the toilet. It was one of the see-through models and there was clearly water visible inside.

I was going straight back on the train after the pub, so I just returned the GBA to where I'd found it, and slunk out of his flat. Never told him, and it never came up. I saw him a few months later and his GBA seemed to be in full working order. Nintendium. :wub:

I was just glad I'd flushed the bog first. It had been pretty messy.

That car light one just reminded me of another.

When I was around 11 I knocked at my mates house but he wasnt in. He had a gravel driveway so I grabbed a handful for entertainment on the walk home. I was chucking them as far up the road as I could (the road was literally the next corner on from my house, we are talking maybe a minute of walking time), and was getting alright distance. I chucked one that caught the air and was maybe the best throw of my life, and probably still is, and it just disappeared and flew. I didnt see where it landed so took a few more steps when I heard an almighty crack and saw the back window explode in on a car half way up the road. strawberry floating amazing distance though.

I just dropped all the other stones and bolted the other way to draw up an escape plan. I could have just walked around the block the long way to my house but because I am a retard I turned my coat inside out as a genius plan to mask my identity and walked past the car and went home.

I never got caught and I feel guilty every time I go past their house. They are old people as well.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...

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